Tag Archives: endure

Ecclesiastes 3:1-10

There is a time for everything
And a season for every activity under heaven:
A time to be born and a time to die,
A time to plant and a time to uproot,
A time to kill and a time to heal,
A time to tear down and a time to build,
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
A time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
A time to embrace and a time to refrain,
A time to search and a time to give up,
A time to keep and a time to throw away,
A time to tear and a time to mend,
A time to be silent and a time to speak,
A time to love and a time to hate,
A time for war and a time for peace.
What does the worker gain from his toil?

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Overcoming PTSD Quote

I’m not crazy, I was abused.

I’m not shy, I’m protecting myself.

I’m not bitter, I’m speaking the truth.

I’m not hanging onto the past, I’ve been damaged.

I’m not delusional, I lived a nightmare.

I’m not weak, I was trusting.

I’m not giving up, I’m healing.

I’m not incapable of love, I’m giving.

I’m not alone.  I see you all here.  I’m fighting this.

— Rene Smith

Obsessed (Why Can’t I Stop?)

You ruined me

you didn’t mean to

you can’t have meant to

but you ruined me

and I don’t think I can fix this

what’s scary is

I can’t decide if I want to

get over this

get over you

and move on with my life

I feel like I’m going crazy

you’re always on my mind

and I can’t make you leave

no matter what I do

you always return

to the forefront of my mind

Because of you

I made new friends

but because of you

I’m pushing them away

because I’m always thinking

always asking

always talking about you

and I know they’re tiring of this rapidly

but I can’t stop

I pray about this

research it

try to find a cure of some sort

just some method

that will let me forget about you

even if it’s only for a minute

I can’t help but feel

this is all my fault

that if I hadn’t pushed so hard

fought so hard

to get what I want

who I want

then this wouldn’t be a problem

but it is

and it’s all because I was stupid

I couldn’t see you

for what I wanted

I was selfish

I see that now

but it’s far too late

and if you never want anything to do with me

I’ll understand

I don’t want anything to do with me

not now

I don’t want to be obsessed with you

to be obsessed with this

with what we were

what we should’ve been

could’ve been

yet here I am

2AM not sleeping

because my mind won’t turn off

won’t stop thinking about you

and the way things were

I’m obsessed

I know it

I hate it

and I’m so, so sorry

for everything

not that you’ll ever know it

not that you’d care if you did

What do I have to have to do to let you go?

How do I move on?

How do I learn to stop loving you?

When will I be free from you?

How can I ever be free from my own mind?

Why did I let this happen?

Will any of these questions ever be answered?

Flashbacks (Leave Me Alone)

It just takes a second

to bring it all down

and turn my smile

back into a frown

I hate the fact

you have this power

to completely affect

my world for hours

you make me flashback

would you please tell me

why you have to do that

when you know it hurts me?

I thought that it was over

and that I could be free

I started feeling better

that’s when you remind me

Is there still a chance

we can work it out?

Can there be a way

we can make it right?

You make me flashback

would you please tell me

why you have to do that

when you know it hurts me?

Part of me still loves you

part of me tries to care

part of me still wants you

even though you aren’t here

You make me flashback

would please tell me

why you have to do that?

Now you know it hurts me.

Identity Crisis

It’s amazing

How one thing

Can change someone’s

Entire world

Forever

I can’t believe

Just how quickly

Everything

Becomes inside out

Upside down

Unable to return to

The way it once was

I can’t fathom

Why people would

Think about

Joke about

Or even consider

Doing something

To harm an innocent being

Of course I know

This doesn’t affect me

Shouldn’t change me

Or make me question

Everything

I once thought to be remotely true

I realize

It would be easier

Healthier even

To just tune this out

Ignore what other people are talking about

Do my work

Mind my own business

But I can’t

I can’t tune it out

I can’t ignore it

Not this close to home

Not again

How can something

That seemed to perfect

Be so horrible?

I don’t understand

How people can turn

Their backs

And a blind eye

On something so insidious

I feel so ashamed

Bearing the name

Of this great institution

But I still have that sweatshirt

And I wear it all the same

The pride I once felt

The belonging

Of being one of them

Now makes me feel numb

For the first time ever

I’m hesitant

And questioning

If they’re really something special

Or part of the mundane

All of these questions

Thoughts

And emotions

Swirl around in my head

God, I don’t know what I’m doing

Since another turned up dead

The darkness is surrounding

But I no longer feel safe

I’m waiting for the next threat

But hoping it won’t come

I’m sick of all these questions

And answers I can’t find

I need to stop the spinning

I want to get off this ride

Yet something in me likes it

This darkness that consumes

Darkness is my destiny

The past still kills my pride

Everything keeps changing

Yet deep inside I know

I have to keep on fighting

If I ever want to win

I think I found my purpose

And it all relies on them

The tragic thing about it

If my grandpa was alive

I doubt this would have happened

Not with someone so good inside

He never would have let it

He would have stopped it first

Now I think his death

Is something of a curse

Aside from all the pain I feel

I still can see his light

A fire always burning

In the dark and wintry night

I know his spirit’s with me

I feel it in my soul

I wish he could protect them

Those poor damaged souls

I’m sorry that they hurt you

I’d change it if I could

I hope it makes you stronger

Now you’re doing something good

Speak up, speak up

All injured ones

Secrets don’t keep you safe

I hope you get some justice

Or some closure in the least

I know that you don’t know me

And we will never meet

But know my heart is with you

With every single beat

You.

You.
Everything seems to come back
to you
always you

every breath
each heartbeat
each step
is you

I never knew
It was possible to feel this way
To be this way
Yet here I am
Thinking of you

How can I be
Lucky enough
To have someone
So loving
So caring
So beautiful so perfect
In my life?

How is it possible
That someone
Like you
Could ever choose
Someone like me
To live out your days with
When you could have
Someone far better
Than me

I never thought
Someone so broken
So damaged
So jaded and scared
Could ever learn
To feel this way
And stay
Though my instincts scream
“run away!”

You.
You changed me
I think you saved me
When you showed me
That even I
Deserve to be loved
Despite my flaws
And constant shortcomings
You still stick around
And that’s why you’re stunning

Though I don’t want to
I see what’s coming
Someone will be hurt
This can’t last forever

Please quiet my mind
Prove me wrong with a kiss
Stay with me for long
Don’t let my doubts end this

You’re so beautiful
I wish you could see it
The scars on your wrist
Show you don’t believe it

If only a mirror could reflect what I see
Then maybe you’ll realize
You’re beautiful to me

I love you my darling
Now riddle me this
Do you fall for me more
Each time that we kiss?

Or am I just a lover
To keep you warm in the night
Will you fall for another
The first time we fight?

Please tell me I’m crazy
That you love me too
Because I would be lost
If I didn’t have you.

I hope I don’t scare you
When I say how I feel
I just want you to love me
I want this to be real

If I’m dreaming
Please wake me
Be cruel if you must
I think that I love you
This isn’t just lust

I hope this is worth it
This turmoil inside
It’s too strong to hide it
So to you I must confide

Don’t hurt me
My darling
Don’t leave me
My dear
I feel that our love
Is totally real

You are my sunshine
You are my rain
Every breath
Every second
Calls your name

To you
My precious
I’ll always return
For when I’m not with you
My heart it does burn

I yearn for your touch
Your kiss
Your hand
You have my heart now
Protect it if you can