Category Archives: Poetry

Things You’ll Never Know

I’m sorry
For the way
I acted
Around you

I’m sorry
For everything
I did to you
Said to you

I’m sorry
For who I was
Who I became
Around you

I’m sorry
That I’m sorry
You don’t deserve
To know how I feel

I’m sorry
I gave you power
Over me
Never again

I’m sorry
I made you hurt
So much so
That you would hurt me

I’m sorry
If I broke you
Know that
I didn’t want to

Mostly
I’m sorry
That I’m sorry
You don’t deserve that

The more
I think it through
The more I know
I should never have trusted you

I know things now
I didn’t know then
Things you’ll never know.

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Song I Never Wrote

A sweet melody

perfect harmony

a drum beat

like a heartbeat

 

Two hearts colliding

in common time

a million years

in a single moment

 

A captured heart

a single sparke

a lone tear

and it all fell apart

 

My fairy tale

my happily ever after

supposedly forever

turned to never

 

Once the subject

of my silly love songs

all boils down to

a song I never wrote

 

Part of me wishes

I could hate you

Part of me wants

to wish you dead

 

For whatever reason

whatever stupid reason

I can’t let you go

I can’t tell our love “no”

 

As hard as I try

I scream to the sky

remembering your eyes

so poetic, I sigh

 

Anniversary

‘twas a year ago

Give or take a week

Or perhaps two

I first laid eyes on you

 

You were so nice

Seemed so caring

Almost perfect even

Or at least I thought so

 

It didn’t take long

Until you fell for me

Not too long before

I began to fall for you, too

 

We would spend nights

Doing our homework,

Carving pumpkins,

And falling in love

 

You made me feel safe

For the first time

I wasn’t alone

Someone understood

 

I told you things

My hopes and dreams

And I believed in you

When you said you loved me

 

I gave you everything

My body, my heart

And I thought

I saw your soul

 

I went away

For the holidays

When I returned in the new year

You were gone

 

How could I know

That one fateful night

Just how fake it all was

How deep your hatred went

 

You blamed me

For things I never did

If that’s false

I didn’t intend to lie

 

You were so mean

Seemed so different

Almost made me question

If you were the monster you described

 

A year has passed

We both moved on

And I’ll never know

How you felt on our anniversary

 

You broke my soul

Shattered my heart

I picked up the pieces

But I think you kept a few

 

Almost a year gone

Yet I replay it all

Stuck in my head

Against my will

 

I can see it all

Every passing hour

Our anniversary

draws closer

 

I don’t want to miss you

It destroys my mental health

Making hard to focus

I wish I didn’t feel this way

 

But I do.

You were my forever

I thought you were

Instead of forever

You’re my happily never after

Once the light of my life

Now the life of the party

You messed up my mental health

And you aren’t even sorry

How can you do it?

You moved on

You’re dancing with her

Not jealousy, but paranoia I feel

The trauma you caused me

Imprinted on my mind

You never really loved be

Everything you told me, lies

The past is the past

Neither of us want to change it

So please release my heart

You’ve done much more than break it

Dreaming

You’re afraid

the last time you felt this

they told you

you are crazy.

I drew you in

with the same beliefs

that you had

when you went mad.

I’ve done my studies

a year and a day

and for the next three years

I’m here to stay

I want to show you my world

distinguish the true

from the fake

reach out for my hand

it’s yours to take

The crystals

will heal you

these spells

give you strength

I think that I’m dreaming

finding someone like you

to bring me into starlight

and dance with me ‘neath the moon

I know you are nervous

let go of your fear

nothing can harm you

not while I’m here

Healing is Believing

Finally

I can feel again

but now it’s good

for the first time

in what seems like forever

It happened on Easter

or rather the day before

when I hit rock bottom

once again

but this time

I cried out for help

and I actually got it

I got used to

fighting my own fight

in total autonomy

but not this time

I have awoken

from the nightmare of the bast few months

I broke free of the chains binding me

and like Jesus Christ

I broke free

on Easter Sunday

I have started again

but I’m stronger now

even more a survivor

than before

Because I now know

there is something else with me

watching over me

guiding and protecting me

loving me unconditionally

God, Goddess, Allah, Buddha, Zeus

whatever you call it

the celestial force that surrounds us

must truly exist

and be a benevolent supreme being

because who else would be watching

a struggling first year

recovering from another heartbreak

and prove

through human mouthpieces

that there is someone here

whenever you fall

they will catch you

and get you back on your feet

stronger than ever before

Obsessed (Why Can’t I Stop?)

You ruined me

you didn’t mean to

you can’t have meant to

but you ruined me

and I don’t think I can fix this

what’s scary is

I can’t decide if I want to

get over this

get over you

and move on with my life

I feel like I’m going crazy

you’re always on my mind

and I can’t make you leave

no matter what I do

you always return

to the forefront of my mind

Because of you

I made new friends

but because of you

I’m pushing them away

because I’m always thinking

always asking

always talking about you

and I know they’re tiring of this rapidly

but I can’t stop

I pray about this

research it

try to find a cure of some sort

just some method

that will let me forget about you

even if it’s only for a minute

I can’t help but feel

this is all my fault

that if I hadn’t pushed so hard

fought so hard

to get what I want

who I want

then this wouldn’t be a problem

but it is

and it’s all because I was stupid

I couldn’t see you

for what I wanted

I was selfish

I see that now

but it’s far too late

and if you never want anything to do with me

I’ll understand

I don’t want anything to do with me

not now

I don’t want to be obsessed with you

to be obsessed with this

with what we were

what we should’ve been

could’ve been

yet here I am

2AM not sleeping

because my mind won’t turn off

won’t stop thinking about you

and the way things were

I’m obsessed

I know it

I hate it

and I’m so, so sorry

for everything

not that you’ll ever know it

not that you’d care if you did

What do I have to have to do to let you go?

How do I move on?

How do I learn to stop loving you?

When will I be free from you?

How can I ever be free from my own mind?

Why did I let this happen?

Will any of these questions ever be answered?

Message in a Bottle – Dedicated to My Lost Lover

Every time my mind strays

as I wake up in the morning

gaze off during the day

and fall asleep at night

you’re on my mind

I know we’re over

and you probably hate me

because of something I said

or something I did

but what I’ll never know

I thought you were my forever

I thought that you really cared

I thought that I might love you

and now you’re no here

I still feel your arms around me

I still taste you on my tongue

you’re with me every second

I’m haunted but not scared.

For some twisted reason

perhaps to sustain the pain

I realize I still love you

I’ll always love you just the same

It used to make me anxious

to see you on the street

but now I think that anxiety

was from the secret that I keep

I know I need to let you go

I know that’s what you want

I know that it’s not healthy

to hold on to someone who’s already gone

Maybe I’m addicted

obsessed with all this pain

and still dreaming, hoping, wishing

you may come back again

In time I know we’ll have to talk

some things are unresolved

I never meant to push you out

if you asked me I would stay

I know you’ll never read this

you promised me you wouldn’t

yet I can’t help hoping

you’ll get curious and check

You’ll see that I still love you

you’ll see that I still care

you’ll see that I just want you back

but you would never dare.

I love you my dear Gabriel

please come back home to me

I hope you know I miss you

and that I always will

Flashbacks (Leave Me Alone)

It just takes a second

to bring it all down

and turn my smile

back into a frown

I hate the fact

you have this power

to completely affect

my world for hours

you make me flashback

would you please tell me

why you have to do that

when you know it hurts me?

I thought that it was over

and that I could be free

I started feeling better

that’s when you remind me

Is there still a chance

we can work it out?

Can there be a way

we can make it right?

You make me flashback

would you please tell me

why you have to do that

when you know it hurts me?

Part of me still loves you

part of me tries to care

part of me still wants you

even though you aren’t here

You make me flashback

would please tell me

why you have to do that?

Now you know it hurts me.