Identity Crisis

It’s amazing

How one thing

Can change someone’s

Entire world

Forever

I can’t believe

Just how quickly

Everything

Becomes inside out

Upside down

Unable to return to

The way it once was

I can’t fathom

Why people would

Think about

Joke about

Or even consider

Doing something

To harm an innocent being

Of course I know

This doesn’t affect me

Shouldn’t change me

Or make me question

Everything

I once thought to be remotely true

I realize

It would be easier

Healthier even

To just tune this out

Ignore what other people are talking about

Do my work

Mind my own business

But I can’t

I can’t tune it out

I can’t ignore it

Not this close to home

Not again

How can something

That seemed to perfect

Be so horrible?

I don’t understand

How people can turn

Their backs

And a blind eye

On something so insidious

I feel so ashamed

Bearing the name

Of this great institution

But I still have that sweatshirt

And I wear it all the same

The pride I once felt

The belonging

Of being one of them

Now makes me feel numb

For the first time ever

I’m hesitant

And questioning

If they’re really something special

Or part of the mundane

All of these questions

Thoughts

And emotions

Swirl around in my head

God, I don’t know what I’m doing

Since another turned up dead

The darkness is surrounding

But I no longer feel safe

I’m waiting for the next threat

But hoping it won’t come

I’m sick of all these questions

And answers I can’t find

I need to stop the spinning

I want to get off this ride

Yet something in me likes it

This darkness that consumes

Darkness is my destiny

The past still kills my pride

Everything keeps changing

Yet deep inside I know

I have to keep on fighting

If I ever want to win

I think I found my purpose

And it all relies on them

The tragic thing about it

If my grandpa was alive

I doubt this would have happened

Not with someone so good inside

He never would have let it

He would have stopped it first

Now I think his death

Is something of a curse

Aside from all the pain I feel

I still can see his light

A fire always burning

In the dark and wintry night

I know his spirit’s with me

I feel it in my soul

I wish he could protect them

Those poor damaged souls

I’m sorry that they hurt you

I’d change it if I could

I hope it makes you stronger

Now you’re doing something good

Speak up, speak up

All injured ones

Secrets don’t keep you safe

I hope you get some justice

Or some closure in the least

I know that you don’t know me

And we will never meet

But know my heart is with you

With every single beat

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